listen. i've been speaking my mind lately... you might want to watch out!!! :)

i just don't know.

2009-02-26T01:33:50Z

i always feel bad.
i feel like i'm holding him back.
and he always tells me i'm not...but i know i am.
he says he wants to spend his life with me and i would love that...but i just don't think he wants that right now...
sometimes i feel like he just wants me to wait for him at the end and let him live in the meantime...
i love him but i'm SO scared of losing him.
i just don't understand why someone as good as him is with a loser like me.
i just don't understand.

i love him. i love him. i love him.
and i know he loves me.
10 months went by fast...and next friday i pick him up from the airport...
things are always ok when we're together...but i need them to be ok when we're apart too.
cause i feel like i'm just dead weight.

i guess it'll work itself out.
it always does.
dJ

sometimes...

2008-09-19T02:48:21Z

i really am stupid.
idiotic.
a moron.
dumb.

but i survive.
cause i have you.

i just get jealous cause he's around i'm not.
for the most important years of you life...

but i'll get over it i guess.

Writer's Block: Six-Word Story

2008-08-14T16:19:10Z

Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” He is believed to have called it his greatest literary work ever. Can you write a story in six words?

Submitted By femspectre

View 506 Answers

"Love with out effort...isn't love."

the perfect song. the perfect boyfriend.

2008-08-13T15:18:10Z

Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait
Lucky

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that song epitmizes how i feel.
that i'll be waiting...
and that i'm in love with my best friend and how lucky i am to have found him.
mmmm
he makes me so happy.

tomorrow will be the last time i see him until october.
it sucks.
but i know it will work.
we both want it.
and we're happy.
and that's all that matters.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm excited to go on vacation.
but at the same time....i'm not.
i'm not sure why...
i guess it's because i know that chris is going away...
and then i know that i'm going to have fun...
if the cruise started AFTER the 19th...i think i'd be fine...
but...i'm just not sure how i feel right now.
i'm just...i'm giong to miss him a lot.
and that's all i've been thinking about lately...
i'm pathetic i know...lol

but i just....
i love him SOOOO much it's crazy sometimes...
but we love eachother.
and that's all that matters in the end.

dJo <3 cMg!!

davidJOHN

SO!

2008-08-11T02:14:55Z

so i've been away for a little more than two weeks from LJ.

and i needed the time...

i'm not sure...EXACTLY what i'm going to write about tonight.
i have always just written honestly and openly and just said what i felt and what i meant(most of the time)

i have written things that later on i found out weren't true.
and later on regretted saying because i was an asshole.
and i sincerly apoligize.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i've been up here for a while...
and i'm still not too fond of it.
i like my house...but as of right now...
it doesn't feel like a home to me.
i feel awkward in it...which is why i'm always so moody...
i don't sleep well when i'm here. unless chris is here cause then i feel like home has come to me. (if that makes sense)

i've met a lot of cool people here so far.
but none of them are what i consider people from south jersey... friends.
i just feel awkward up here. kind of unwanted. and not by my parents or anyone.
i just...it's a different way of life up here...people are creeps too. it's awkward.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

chris leaves for michigan next tuesday.
i'm happy that he's happy.
and i can't wait until october 16th for him to come home already!! haha
i can't believe sometimes that i have someone as good as HIM IN MY LIFE!
he sticks by me.
and he loves me for all my flaws.
and that's something that everyone needs.
someone that will love you no matterwhat.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i go on vacation this saturday...
we fly out to LA to take our cruise which i'm throughly excited for.
we don't get back until september 1st.
i get to spend my birthday on the disney private island!! WAHOO!!!
august 31st babyyyy!!! :-P
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i got/ordered a new phone for my birthday (which i hope comes before i leave for vaca)
i got an iPhone because i wasn't getting all of chris' texts...
so i wanted to get it so we could talk more and better.
and we're both really happy that now it won't be a problem...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i told my grandparents about myself and chris.
that i'm gay.
and they took it well.
they said that they'll support me no matter what and that all they want is for me to be happy and safe. and that if i ever need to talk that they're there for me.
i love them.

well i think that's it with my life right now.
nothing too exciting.

i miss south jersey a hell of a lot!
and i'm going to miss chris.
a hell of a lot more!

life is finally starting to look up for me.
and i know i have my bad moments...
and i'm sorry about it all.

but i'm trying.
i need a second/ third/ fourth etc chance.
i'm starting over...
and i have the right people in my life to start over with.
Chris, Sara(cause we always have the best talks), my family, and various others.

i'm done.

2008-07-21T13:37:59Z

as of today.
this will be my very last post on livejournal for a nice good long time.

i don't need this anymore.
nothing good comes of it.
no one (except for a few people) likes me anymore because of this stupid site.
people want me to speak my mind.
people want me to be honest with them...but as soon as i'm honest and try to speak my mind and tell people how i feel...i feel eyes glaring down on me...
i've lost a lot of friends because i try to be honest with how i'm feeling and instead of people telling me "no you shouldn't feel thatway...that's not it at all...or please don't feel that way...etc" everyone joins and alliance against me (and again NOT EVERYONE)

i just have a thing to make clear about my last post.
i blew things out of proportion.
i thought that someone was trying to invade.
and they weren't.
and i'm sorry.
i've said too many sorrys lately...
but i guess i'm still at fault.
because it truly wasn't as big a deal as i had made it out to be...or had thought it was.
and i'm sorry. whether you believe that or not.

so this is it.
if anyone ever feels like talking to me...
everyone knows how to reach me.
facebook. myspace.
phone. aim.

if not.
i'm truly sorry.
dJ

again....

2008-07-20T03:03:58Z

so do you know when you have that ONE good thing in your life? and that's all you need to get through the day.

for me.
that's chris...

he gets me through the day...
he helps me out SO much...
i don't know what i'd do with out him.

because no one else talks to me anymore.
because of what an ass i was.
and i deserve it...
i know i do...

but like i said before...
i apoligized...and i meant it.

and if all the good i've done in my life...
and all the nice... can't outwiegh the few times i've been a mean bastard... or made a few bad fucking decisions...
then why is it worth trying to win anyone back over?
because no matter what i say...no one's going to be my friend again...
and everyone is constantly going to be second guessing me...
and i don't want that...
i just want people to remember me for who i've always been...
and put the past in the past...
i'm ready to reconcile...
but no one is letting me have my second chance...
and i wish they would....

i miss my old life...
i miss my friends...
i miss chris...
i miss me.

when....

2008-07-20T02:52:28Z

i'm lonely...
and when i'm lonely my mind wanders...
and that's when i get in trouble...
because i'm all alone up here...
and so far one person has visited me...
and it's of course chris...and i love everysecond i spend with him.
i truly do.

but he's the only person that talks to me.
and when he doesn't text me i get nervous...
and when i know there's alcohol around... i get nervous.
i know i'm over reacting...
i just... idk...

i'm lonely...
and my mind has been wandering...
idk...

why?

2008-07-20T02:03:15Z

i just...
i don't understand sometimes.
why people do the most stupid things!

he has a boyfriend.
so there is NO need to tell him that you like him...
that you think he's attractive...
and all the while throw in that guilt trip like "i know that nothing could ever happen... etc"

just LAY off!

it's not necessary!
it's certainly not RIGHT!
and he's taken.
OMFG!
just keep your fucking mouth shut.
you ALWAYS do this and you need to stop.
the only reason i'm posting this is because you'll NEVER read it and i was asked not to confront you about it.
ugh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so chris came over this weekend...
and it was good.
and he went to the beach while i worked...
and it was good.
and last night we went to see "THE DARK KNIGHT"
O.M.G!!!
SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!!!
it was amazing...
and i don't care if heath is dead or not...he should win SOME kind of award for that performance...
it was SO AMAZING!!!
...chris left today...
and i miss him already...
and now he's over lauras house swimming...
and i wish i was there with him...
but it would be kind of awkward....because there are supposedly going to be a lot of people there that are mad at me...so...yeah...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i miss people.
i'm lonely up here...
and i know i deserve it.
i know i did it to myself.
i pissed people off...
and i deserve it...

i just wish that i could take it all back now...
i'm sorry.

Despondent
de·spond·ent –adjective: feeling or showing profound hopelessness, dejection, discouragement, or gloom:

i just don't know anymore...

davidJOHN

mmmm

2008-07-14T16:42:20Z

last night....
was amazing.
truly amazing.
actually...
ALL DAY was amazing...

i got a lot of compliments for my song that i had to sing yesterday...
that felt really good.

then i went to starbucks with my little brother...
he's trying SO hard to like coffee and go to get coffee with me...
and i really appreciate it...
because we're getting closer...which i like...
he can tell me things and i can go to him with things...
and i'm glad we're becoming good friends...
we're gong to need each other a lot.
because it's just us up here...
and we both need the company...

anywayyyyyyy....
so after starbucks i drove to williamstown/franklinville and spent the day with chris...
we went to his friend's grad party...
and then back to his house...
watched some movies...
then went to bed..... ;)
haha

it was just a real good day....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
today...
sucks....
it's rainy...
the airconditioning in my new house is not working... something with freon....idk...
my room is still in boxes because i'm procrastinating...
and i have to go back to work soon for a few more hours....
ugh...
i wish that today was like yesterday...

chris said he might come up for a few days...in case anyone wants to come up with him...
haha

but he's so sweet coming up to visit me all the time...
he's helped me a lot.
i love him.... :-P
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so yeah...
only 34 more days until i go on vacation...
i'm EXTREMELY excited...
but upset that chris doesn't leave until three days after i leave...
so our goodbye will be...sad..upsetting... too early...
but that just gives me a reason to go and visit him in michigan.... :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SO ONE COME VISIT!!!
PLEASE!!!!

anyway...
i have to go back to work....
i've got nothing better to do anyway...

miss you all!!!
dJ

i guess...

2008-07-12T16:12:04Z

some battles are worth fighting....
and some aren't.

i guess i was right about the whole friends thing.
(my last post)
because i got some GREAT feed back when people who actually shouldn't have been offended were mad...
and people that should have been offended didn't get pissed off or did...
it was mixed reactions all around the board.

to clarify...
i apoligized to mary.
because i felt bad about doing all that in public.
but apparently no one else knew that i had done so...and now everyone's mad at me.
because i know that i'm up here and i probably won't see anyone for a little while...or if anyone even wants to see me...
i'm over it.
because i obviously realize that now people i THOUGHT were my friends obviously never gave a flying fuck....
oh well.
if ALL the nice i've ever shown people and all the good i've done in my life can't outshine the bad....
that fucking sucks...

i'm jujst pissed off that my friends are so willing to give up on me...
so i've made some bad decisions....
it's all over...
and just because i had a problem with ONE person...it's between ME AND THAT PERSON...
i didn't MAKE anyone read my post....or READ the comments left on my post....
that's everyone's OWN decision...

but you know what....
i'm fine.
i guess i now know that people i THOUGHT were my best friend....obviously aren't...
and people i thought were my good friends....couldn't give two shits about me...

i guess i'm just dissapointed...
but i guess i need to get over it...

but i just wanted to say publicly....

i'm sorry sara for really flipping out on you last night.
all you've ever been is supportive of me and i shouldn't have gotten upset...
just so you know...i DO appreciate your opinion...even though i may not always agree with everything you have to say doesn't mean i don't respect your opinion and take it into consideration...

i'm sorry britt for leaving that long ass comment.
but you don't know me and you don't have the right to write about me or talk about me like you know me...
so please stop.

and lastly...
mary...
i'm sorry again for causing all of this....
you didn't deserve what i said to you...
and i really do still want to be friends...
i just wish things were different i guess...
like how things used to be....
i miss you...

i'm sorry everyone...
i really am...

davidJOHN

davidjohnoks @ 2008-07-07T11:04:00

2008-07-07T15:06:10Z

entry i just posted makes me feel like the biggest ass hole in the world...
but you know what?! i'm over it!
because i need to not be such a push over and i need to stick up for myself...
so i'm glad i got that all out...

3 days...

2008-07-07T14:53:55Z

you know...

i always thought that i had the best friends a guy could ask for...
i really did.
until certain recent events happened in the past few months...

and for a while people were right behind me....supporting me...

then...
i realized what douche bag friends i have...

now i'm NOT SAYING ALLLLL of my friends are...but a lot...

no one talks to me...
no one even makes any fucking effort!
i told everyone i was moving july 10th.
and i saw ONE group of friends this weekend for a few hours...that i went to high school with.
other than that i spent the whole weekend with chris and HIS friends...
because they're genuine...and don't lie to your ace and then talk about you behind your back...
or spread rumors...
or ignore you...
or all kinds of OTHER shit that my "FRIENDS" have been saying...

do i really have any friends from high school...or my high school years left besdes...
emily rowbothom, stacy dimattia, steph, arielle, amanda, etc.?
idk that i do...
because it seems like i want to see everyone...but no one ever wants to hang out or see me...
then people say "OH YEAH LETS HANG OUT BEFORE YOU LEAVE!"
and then forget aobut me...
i can now tell who thinks i'm important and who doesn't...
i'mfucking tired of being lied to!
talked about!
told i'm wrong and i'm ruining my life...
you know what?!
the last few months have been HELL!!!
the ONLY reason i'm still here is because a total of about......
5 people have really helped me through it...
my mom, my dad, my brother, Chris, and Pastor Bill.
that's it.

incase everyone wants to know what i did...here you FUCKING GO!
to stop ALL rumors and set things somewhat right...

i stole from kohls and got fucking fired...
i deserved it...
i'm not sure why i did it..i just did...got caught...and tomorrow i go to court...
i'm not going to get in trouble...and i won't have a record... but i DEFINETLY learned my lesson.
and i got pulled over twice in those two months...
once for having my sunglasses hanging from my rear view mirror...and the other
for going 67 in a 45...
and i made it so i didn't get any points on my license...
i told my parents i'm gay and that i have a boyfriend... but i haven't told the rest of my family...
and now i have to hide it from my dad's new church...
and act like someone i'm not...
there.
happy world?!?!

so there....
now that i got that off my chest...

how does everyone feel now?!
feel like a douch bag?!
well you should...you know who you are...

and i thought i had the best friends in the world...
i really did...
i was on cloud nine....
and then just when i needed friends....
mine left me just when i needed them most...
so thanks for being douche bags!

i guess this is my goodbye...
unless some of you have the decency to actually come visit me at home over the next few days and say goodbye...
other than that...
thanks for nothing...

when you're ready to apoligize or try and be my friend again...
i'd REALLY appreciate that...
because the fact that i'm goingsomewhere that i know NO ONE....isn't really helping...

thank you to anyone who really cares...
i do'nt give you enough credit...

thank you chris...
you really helped me through a lot these last...almost 3 months...
i'm glad i have someone in my life that will stand by me no matter what and tell me when i fucked up and such...
i love you with all my heart..
you truly are amazing and perfect!
i love you
dJ

i like how...

2008-06-27T03:33:45Z

i posted an entry earlier...and no one even acknowledges the reasons i actually posted the entry for...they talk about the stuff at the very end....
WTF!
i mean REALLY?!?!?!

i'm just frustrated...

is it wrong?

2008-06-26T19:05:29Z

is it wrong of me to miss him?
i mean...her's only gone for four DAYS right now and i'm having a tough time.
what happens when he actually goes away away?!

i love him.
i really do.
it's just hard for me.
because he's perfect for me.
he's sweet. he's funny. he's fun. he's extremely smart. he's adorable. he's everything i could ever ask for. and he loves me. as much as i love him!
i'm just having a hard time....
because he's having SO much fun!
and a part of me is jealous because i'm an idiot and could never get into MSU and i know that...but i'm jealous because i want to be right there along with him... you know?

but i feel really selfish because i dont want him to go away...
i feel, frankly, like an ass for not wanting him to go away.
i feel HORRIBLE!
but i know that it's a GREAT opportunity for him to go there...
and i already plan on working my ass off and trying to transfer somewhere up there so we're not TOO far away from each other...
and he thinks it's a great idea.

we're going to make this work...it's ONLY 4 years i keep telling myself....
then i remember he's goign to law school...and remember it might be more...
but i keep telling myself that i could go up there and live while he's in school still....so it's not that bad...

we're going to survive this...and if it's meant to be between us then it will work out...
but right now i'm just not used to this....
and i'm being selfish...and i dont want to be...

and he knows that my biggest fear is that he'll meet someone when he goes up there and not want to be with me...
but he always tells me that he never wants to lose me....so it makes me feel better...
but there's always that fear in the back of your mind and the bottom of your heart...you know?

i'm sorry chris.
i love you.
and if you're happy i'm happy...
and i'll support you 100 PERCENT!!! every step of the way...
and you deserve the best...and i'm trying to give that to you.
i love you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now.
for all the people who say it's too early for all of this.
...you know what?!
fuck you

because for the first time in a LONG time...
I'M HAPPY!
(and i know you probably just read all that above...and think that i'm crazy and depressed and looney...i'm not)

and if my "friends" can't support me without making me feel like SHIT! then fuck you because you're not my friends.

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED of people telling me their my friends and then never calling me...or texting me...or texting me BACK after i've texted them.... i'm just so tired. of all of it.
i'm tired of people being twofaced to me...
i'm tired of people talking about me...
talking about my BOYFRIEND and then denying it...
i'm just....if you're my friend... FUCKING ACT LIKE IT!

i know i sound like a fucking primadonna, and a bitchy asswipe right now...
but you know what?! i deserve to be right now...
if you're my friend...then act like it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i have to go to court now...
for my speeding ticket...
ugh

when it rains it pours.
things come all at once...but you can't let them get you down...
i'm shaping up...and i have been for the last two months....
this is only the beginning of my life...
and i'm not going to let it drag me down.....

i love you chris...
this is only the beginning of us...
because i love you.
a lot.

<3
dJ

really?!

2008-06-19T02:41:26Z

in....5 days....i'll be on my fifth phone this year!
ugh...my new phone...just i don't even know! the screen broke so i can only see pieces of it...
thank god i decided to save all my numbers to the sim card this time...lol GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

anywho.....
today was a good day....
i had work...and it was truly a beautiful day!!!
and i found out that i don't have to work tomorrow! and i'm seriously REALLY excited!
i finally made a friend up north....she has a summer beach house where i'm moving to and she lives in New York and she keeps me cracking up ALLLLLLL day long...she's amazing!!!
and i'm glad that i'm finally making friends... oh nadia....i can't wait to see you again friday and saturday!!! :)

tomorrow...i'm packing my room...i've been avoiding it and just been making a mess so as to avoid it even more...
chris is coming over tomorrow to help me pack... at least then it won't be so depressing...

i got the new coldplay cd and i haven't been able to listen to it yet....
i...don't have a cd player...as odd as that sounds....haha
only mp3s and my computer...lol
and the only cd player i have...in my car...is broken and i need to get a new one...BUTTT i'm broke and can't afford it right now...
ummmm....

no one ever really reads my posts anyway....
so i could go on about the most ridiculous things in the world....haha

soooooo....
JOSHUA AND KATIE ARE MY FAVS ON SYTYCD!!! just throwing that out there....haha

ummm...
north jersey sucks!

annnnnnnd....
i miss my friends.....
and having a working phone....

i'm out.!!
PEACE!!!!
dJ

MMMMMM!! :)

2008-06-18T04:21:39Z

Tonight...
was an amazing night...
truly amazing.
we had a lot of fun.
A LOT!!!!!!

(gotta love date nights!)

mmmmmmm <3
perfection!
<3333333

dJ

i'm not even sure why i try...i'm really not sure...

2008-06-14T03:48:31Z

i'm tired of being there for people who aren't going to be there for ME.
i'm just...i'm effing tired of it...
it always seems like i'm the one to put the effort into every relationstip i'm in.
i'm the one that has to contact the other person in order for the person to even TALK or acknowledge that i'm a live.
and i'm done
i'm done being the nice guy everyone likes...
i'm going to start sticking up for myself
i'm going to start speaking my mind and let people know how i feel...
that's how relationships work.
and if they don't work...then you weren't supposed to have that relationship.
i'm just SOOOOOO sick and f****** tired of being a pushover....and apoligizing for things THAT I DIDN'T EVEN DO!!!!
whyh should I be sorry that I'M happy? hmm?
why should i care what people think? i don't! that's why i'm posting this...cause i don't CARE!!!!!!!!!!!
ugh
whatever...

that was me venting....

now...

i'm REALLLLLLLLY excited to see chris graduate tomorrow!
it's going to be fun....
and then we're going out to brunch... and then back to his house...
it's going to be a good day....

sunday is my dad's last sunday at New Brooklyn...
the last one out of the last 6 years that we've been here...
the end of an era...
it's kind of REALLY sad....because then we move...
and i don't want to move...that's even more depressing......
ugh

oh well...
that's all from me...
i'm bored and tired....
and want to talk to my boyfriend...buuuuuuuuuuttttt he's probably out having fun or already asleep...idk...

i guess i'll just have to wait until tomorrow....
night all!
dJ

it's been a while....

2008-06-08T02:21:55Z

so yeah....
i haven't posted in about two weeks...
so i thought i'd drop by...

i have a new job...ON THE BEACH!!!
in my new town...
i basically ride around and tan and make sure things are in order...haha
and i have the MOST RIDICULOUS farmers tan EVER!!!!! literally!

ummm...33 days until i move...i don't know whetheri'm excited or not...
i just have a feeling that no one's going to come see me...and even thoughpeople are reassuring me that, that's not goign to be the case...
it is sure hard to believe...and i'm nervous about losing my friends....(what friends i have left...or that actually talk to me)

ummm...
it's official! my longest relationship EVER!!!
almost two months!!! and we're so completely happy!
i love him SOOOOO effing much.
there's not anyone better.
i don't think i've ever been so happy...
he's been with me through a lot...and he said he's not ever going to leave...
he truly is amazing...

so here's the scoop...
i still haven't seen mary... like actually hung out with her...
i need to hang out with bryan...we need to rekindle our friendship cause i miss him...
i offially LOVE mo cowell! she saved me!! and she's like....i just love her! :)
sara darlin i'm so glad we're friends.... but i miss you TERRIBLY! and as i always tell you...i'm really glad i met you during ragtime...even if you hated me and i couldn't ever understand why.... BUT YOU'RE MY LIKE....BFF!!! <3
i need to see laura d ASAP!!!
no like...NOW!

and chris.
you are the person i love the most. if i could spend every day with you i would. and i know that you feel the same.
i like to make you feel safe when you have bad dreams and hold you in my arms and watch movies in which you always fall asleep on my shoulder...
if i could wake up to you every morning...forever! i would.
you are THE most AMAZING person.
i love you.

well....
that's my update...
TEXT ME!!!!
dJ

HELL YEAH!!!

2008-05-22T02:23:38Z

DAVID COOK ROCKS!!!!!

WOOHOOO!!!!
:)

Writer's Block: Scaredy cat

2008-05-11T03:19:40Z

What animal frightens you most, and why?

View 500 Answers

myself....

what to do....

2008-05-05T12:11:51Z

so last night i had work...
and i came home and got to see my parents...
i got to see my dad for the first time in a week because he was in Dallas so it was nice to see him...

my mom knows about the whole me and chris being together thing....
and i know that my dad does too...because my mom told him...i know she did.

i want to see chris tonight...because it's one out of two nights this week that i'm not working... (which completely sucks!)
and i want to see him...but my mom wants me to sit down and talk to my dad about everything...well if she already told him...then why do i have to sit down and tell him too? hmm?
that seems stupid...
if she wanted me to tell him all along...then why do i have to tell him too? ugh

i wished that they'd just let me live my life...
sometimes i just wish they'd let me be me...which they always say i should do and that's what they want me to do...
they also want me to be a responsible adult...well how the hell can i be a responsible adult if they won't fucking treat me like one?
i still have a CURFEW for gods sake!
i'm 18...a college kid...i've started working full time like they wanted me too...i go to school (granted i'm sucking at it but i go)...i pay my car insurance like they want me to....
so what the hell am i doing wrong? hmm?
I DON'T KNOW!!!

just let me breathe!!!!

ugh!

besides the whole parent thing....i'm really good...
i'm loving life right now... i just wish my parents would let me love it as much as i want to...

i have an amazing person in my life right now...
my car is currently fixed...(key word being currently)
i'm packing to move....
it's summer...(basically)

i miss mary. and sara. and molly. and i need to see them soon...
VERY soon!
cause i'm going through some serious withdrawl!!!

i love you!
<3
davidJOHN

GEE WHIZ!!!

2008-05-02T12:26:44Z

have you ever had someone really special in your life and wondered... "HOW THE HELL DID I END UP WITH THEM?!"

...well that's how i've been feeling for about the last month...
he's perfect! and i love every second of being with him...
he comes and visits me at work...and we get to see each other a lot....and everything is amazing...
but like seriously....what does he see in me?!?!
i'm not all that great!

i don't know and i might not ever know why he likes me...but i'm glad he does...
cause i like him a LOT! he's the most perfect person for me...we're opposites and i like that....we can take care of each other...

my life is kind of shot to hell right now...but he makes it all alright....he makes it worth taking the time to step back and say.... "ok...what's going on here...?" and realize that maybe i need to work a little harder (or a lot harder) at certain things and i'm really good at others...
he's patient with me...and he puts up with my shit..and makes me feel GREAT!
SERIOUSLY! how did i end up with him?!

my life has thrown me a few curve balls lately...
like...moving...and a failing school(which i admit that it's my own damn fault)...and a few other things...

but HE MAKES IT ALRIGHT!
he makes me feel good about myself...
i love being with him....
he's AMAZING!
AND PERFECT!
and everything!!!

I LOVE YOU CHRIS GARBARINO!!
(how did i end up with you?!)
<3
dJ

i'm glad...

2008-05-01T12:14:57Z

i talked to my grandmom yesterday...she still doesn't know...and i don't know how to tell her that i have a boyfriend...

but she said the same thing that my parents say...
that even though they may not agree with what i do in my life...that she'll always love me and support me...
it was nice to hear that...

i'm glad that my family is supporting me and not shunning me... or kicking me out...or whatever...
cause i know people that have it worse off...who's parents don't give a shit about them and could care less what happens in their life...i know i always joke that i need to get out of the house...away...whatever......but then i realize...like..where would i be in life without my family...i would be a bum on the streets...and i can't stand to be dirty...so it kind of doesn't go well hahaha

i guess i'm just happy today...
and kind of having a bad day...but i'm not going to let any of it get to me...
"People don't have bad days, they have bad MOMENTS in their good days..."

i guess i have to start living by that...
practicing what i preach persay...
and it's harder said than done...
but i really should try...hard!

idk...i'm trying to be a better person...
Chris makes me want to try even harder...
and i guess you need people like that in your life...and i'm glad that i have him in mine to shape me up...haha
cause i need it...

well...i'm gonna go...

i love you chris...
i need to hug stacy!
i miss sara darlin...
and i need to see bryan...

just saying ^
hahaa

<3
davidJOHN

yay

2008-04-29T12:23:29Z

for date nights, new phones and best friends!!!

last night was good. despite my mom being mad at me because i lied to her...it was good...
chris and i hung out and went to the mall and out to dinner...
i got a new phone! an LG Shine! (which is the kick ass version of the chocolate :-P )
and i got to see molly too...
i ended up going to bed REALLLY early though...i was tired...
but over all....my life is good...

i didn't get in to truman...
guess i'm not what they're looking for...so it looks like i'll be going local in north jersey... oh well...
life throws curve balls sometimes....you just have to learn to play hardball...

i just want to be famous or something....i just want to live my life already...not this school crap...haha
i mean...i want to get a degree...but at the same time...i just want to live life...
but i'm going to keep going to school...so no one think that i'm dropping out...

cause i'm not... AT ALL!

the people in my life keep me sane....
so thank you all for that....
<3 YOU LOTS!
davidJOHN